Did I prepare her enough…
“Mommy, are you crying?! Is everything okay?”
Maybe it’s because we’d just finishing reading “On the First Day of Kindergarten”…
Or maybe it was that as I walked into their rooms to tuck them in I saw their backpacks lined up against the wall, ready for a new year of memories…
And this time, there were three.
Three. Full-time school. No longer home with momma. Mid-day naps. Out to lunch because we can. Park play date just for fun on a Tuesday. Snuggles on the couch watching movies while it’s raining. Off to kindergarten with her big sisters… backpacks.
As a parent we know the milestones are coming. We know what to expect. They practically map them out in the baby books for us. Sitting up. Crawling. First words. Walking. Potty training. Kindergarten. But what the baby books fail to mention is that weird gut feeling you get when they happen. That little by little that tiny baby is growing up.
That twinge of pain knowing that she’ll be much less reliant on momma with each passing day. Those funny things she says, sometimes just for me to hear, won’t be available all day. That panic that comes with the thought, “What if she doesn’t wipe completely clean” or “What if she forgets her lunch pin” or “What if another kid says something hurtful” and the infamous, “Have I prepared her enough?”
Then realizing, despite all of those things, I haven’t prepared myself enough.
I’ve spent so much time making sure the papers were filled out, the new shoes were shopped for, the lunches were prepped, and backpacks were ready that I failed to prepare myself for this feeling.
The feeling that my little baby, all of my babies, are growing up, at warp speed, right before my eyes. And as excited I am for this next round of milestones, my momma heart still hurts.
And tomorrow morning I’ll watch these three backpacks venture off to school, all three of them full-time, and yeah, I’m sure I’ll be asked, “Mommy? Are you crying? Is everything okay?”
And yes. I’ll be just fine. We all will, mommas. Here’s to smiling through the tears. New milestones, new memories, and knowing that we’ve prepared them for this next year.
